An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality
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“I just finished Moondance and I felt I had to write to tell you how much I loved it. I haven't been able to put it down and felt it totally resonate for me...”– Lynne Franks
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Director, Renewed Strength
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Where is my soulmate? When will I meet them? Most of all why is it taking so long... Some days, I know it feels this way. Like everyone around you has found ‘the one’ — except you. Let's re-frame this.
Great sex doesn't mean you're soulmates. Neither does marriage for that matter. While sex and marriage are wonderful things, ultimately, they're of this earth. Soulmate connections, well... they're not of the earth. They spring from the soul.
Want dating tips on meeting your soulmate? Scroll down...
Do you feel you've had to work harder at finding love? Is that frustrating to you sometimes? I know it was for me, at first.
If you're the last of your friends to meet someone, does that mean our friends are that much smarter, together or better than the rest of us? Think about some of the relationships out there. Of course not!
I've wondered this myself though. The more I read, the more I realize what's underneath. That the reason that some people have to wait longer for the answer to where is my soulmate is because... their souls have something remarkable in mind for them. Bigger than they originally thought. Or even dared dream. That just means there's a bit more prep work involved.
I'll share a secret with you: I do believe, to the bottom of my shoes, that your soul wants you to have a soulmate. That is, if you truly want one. You don't ‘need’ one to be successful in life. Your desire is the key. What I'll share with you, will increase the chance of you meeting... a real soulmate love match.
Those who are being asked to wait for their soulmate, are experiencing a loving invitation in the meantime. One for incredible growth. Do you resist this idea? Do you still wonder: where is my soulmate? I understand. But think about it... wouldn't this make finding your soulmate that much sweeter when it comes? And the journey that much richer?
‘Where is my soul mate?’ There's a heart resonance to these words.
What if the answer to this question offers you a choice? One which involves commiting to yourself first. There it is for you, a fork in the road. Which fork do you choose?
To find a soulmate, a real soulmate, many of us are called to go deeper within ourselves first. Why? Because the ultimate soulmate relationship isn't about eliminating loneliness. It's about soul growth.
And... if you're wondering ‘where is my soulmate’ before you know who you are or what you want in life...you may end up attracting what I call AFLOs instead.
A friend has a T-shirt which says ‘AFLO’. It stands for Another Freakin' Learning Opportunity. It's so bang on, I have to laugh.
Now if you find yourself in an AFLO relationship (they tend to be painful, draining and repetitive), remember that your soul is still rooting for you. It still loves you and wants you to have your soulmate if you desire one. If you really, really want it, your soul will answer: where is my soulmate?
Consider that the pain and struggle in your heart was created to get your attention. In essence, it's your soul calling out! It wants you to go deeper. Question is: how will you answer?
Are you in a challenging relationship? Is the answer to ‘where is my soulmate’, hidden in the relationship you have? Are both of you willing to do this?
I do believe that these (what I call) ‘karmic relationships’ can be transformed into soulmated ones. But they take work, and awareness, from both of you. This might include therapy, karmic astrology, past life work, or any number of things. The choice is yours.
If you're single, consider tackling your ‘where is my soulmate’ question consciously. Sure, go on blind dates, get online, whatever works for you. Or take a break from dating. But use what you know about soulmates (on this site!) to your best advantage.
If you've read what is a soulmate, you know that experts agree that soulmates come together for soul growth. Clairvoyant Edgar Cayce also calls soulmates ‘helpmates’.
So if you're single, the first step to answering the question where is my soulmate, is turning the mirror toward yourself. No more agonizing about his or her ‘issues’.
It's answering questions about yourself like: Who are you? Why are you here? What's important to you? What's your soul's purpose? Big questions requiring emotional (not just intellectual) answers. But critical if you're consciously seeking a relationship that's beyond the AFLO.
In his Conversations with God series (non-denominational and not dogmatic!) Neale Donald Walsch says it beautifully:
There can be only two questions that are asked with regard to human relationships:
1. Where am I going?
2. Who is going with me?
Do not invert the order of the questions.
Do not - under any circumstances - invert the order of the questions.
Is that clear?
Are you clear about that?
Good. Then we can move on.
In other words, are you asking where is my soulmate? Start your search inside. How far would you go to have one? If you're resisting, is it really a soulmate you're looking for?
When you wade into the mysteries that are uniquely you, whether through coaching or a course, past life regression, or reading a certain book, miracles can happen. Many manifest their soulmates quite quickly then, and life resumes.
Sometimes, there are others, whose heart leads further into their own depths, deeper than they ever intended to go. But they go there, because their heart yearns for more than just ‘settling’, because past experiences have been painful, and they know of no other way. At night they may cry in despair: where is my soulmate? And their soul answers. But not in the ways they expect.
So they dip their toes. They wade in past their knees, their chests, their heads gets wet, and perhaps they dive into the depths of mysterious seas. I call these folks scuba divers. I am one. So much so, I wrote a book on the process.
Are you a scuba diver?
Some days, I've wished I wasn't a scuba diver. Today, I am grateful for it all. After all, if I wasn't, I wouldn't be writing this site.
I don't think any of us grow up with the life goal of diving deeply into our own psyches. It's so much easier just to keep things on the surface, right?
But what I've learned is that, if we truly want a soulmate, we often don't have a choice but to dive in. Often, we don't know the depth, until we're underwater.
I don't mean to scare you. It's unlikely you'll need to go as deep as I have. You'll go as deep as your soul needs you to go. You'll dip your toes, or you'll go deep-diving, and that will be perfect for you.
What else can you do to answer ‘where is my soulmate?’ Have you heard of serendipity? Think of it as super-charged dating tips.
“Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.”— Lawrence Block
The concept is not about causality, where one thing causes the next in a linear fashion. Instead, it maintains that just as events may be grouped by cause, they may also be grouped by their meaning.
Psychologist Carl Jung called it Synchronicity: “temporally coincident occurrences of acausal events.”
What does that mean for those of us who are asking: where is my soulmate? Realize that the answers may not come directly. Ask for what you want, then say yes to what comes (as long as it's safe!), even if it looks a bit different. Notice how you feel. Re-evaluate. Anticipate.
Perhaps it's a book that you ‘happen’ to see in a window that give you the insight to take an action... that leads to meeting your soulmate.
Or a web site that you've found (hello!) that gives you a new perspective. Or a course that a friend's taken, that makes your heart leap a little. Or traveling by yourself for the first time.
What about meeting your soulmate? One of my oldest friends met her soulmate, when she decided to go to an event alone, after being stood up by someone she really liked! They met on the street, and he asked her directions. Today, they're married with two beautiful children.
Perhaps it's something you've put off, or dismissed in the past, and you see it in a new light. Perhaps it's a recommendation by a blind date you didn't hit it off with.
Now don't go thinking every little thing that happens to you is a ‘sign’ — that's going too far! It's also called magical thinking which isn't grounded. But do pay attention... notice, and then take action. The action's important.
Above all, pay attention to your soul. Know that it's leading you to fantastic growth. Know that your life doesn't stop just because you haven't found your soulmate yet. Make time for fun and friends, and time for reflection. Also self-nurturing.
Pay attention to your body. What feels deep inside, like a pulling down? What helps you feel ‘more than’, like a pulling up? How can you expand your intuition? For that's one way your soul speaks to you.
You've read this far. Congratulations — I'm excited for you!
You attracted this site. You're paying attention. Don't stop. What action will you take now?
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