An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality
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“I just finished Moondance and I felt I had to write to tell you how much I loved it. I haven't been able to put it down and felt it totally resonate for me...”– Lynne Franks
“Karen, it's Dee, I had to call and tell you that I've just read the first 119 pages of your book and oh my God it's absolutely incredible... I don't want to put it down, it's your fault. Congratulations, I can't wait for the next page.”– Dee Miller
Director, Renewed Strength
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“Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream.”– Khalil Gibran
In my romantic past, there have been three men for whom I truly mourned when it was over. In all of these cases, they were situations where chemistry on every level ran deep, yet truly knowing and loving one another never had a chance to begin.
There have also been many whose presences in my life were fleeting, dramatic and excruciatingly painful, lined with illusion and confusion.
Each time I had one of “those” experiences, my heart opened further. I wrote. I softened. I grew. So I hold all of these men in my heart, especially those for whom I mourned deeply, with Love: for they made me who I am today. They were Catalystic Partners, if you will, if not partners for life.
Though I let go of the sadness long ago, their faces have often haunted me. Even today I wonder about them, the soul agreement we made and where their experiences have guided them today.
I bring these men up (one of the “big three” was just a boy when I knew him), because over the past 18 months or so, each of them, and many more I haven't thought about in years have paid me a visit, while I slept.
“All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together.”– Jack Kerouac
These particular dreams have all had a distinct feeling attached to them. Each dream focused on only one man at a time. When I knew him was irrelevant. In one dream I was 19. Then I was 40. When I awoke in the morning, I felt a rush of emotion and gratitude, as if we had communicated somehow on a soul level.
One dream didn't capture my curiosity. But as they unfolded over months, I was astonished at their precision.
Early on, I wondered: this dream felt so real. Did this mean that I'd see this person again? Would they come into my life again, and we'd have another chance, like the Facebook romances I've heard about?
Would I through my desire, my forgiveness, my open heart begin to magnetize a serendipitous meting that would tumble us into the same room?
I wondered these things, I was curious, yet I also held the idea lightly. I knew something was happening energetically, but I wasn't sure what it meant to my life.
“Sleep is the best meditation ”– Dalai Lama
Though the settings differed, these dreams had a palpable heart connection, affection and warmth. These weren't erotic dreams. These were dreams of walking and holding hands, of dancing together, of gentle hugs and affection, of smiles, gratitude and of completion.
None were ever repeated. One man, one dream.
I've had these dreams for 18 months now and I haven't experienced any serendipitous meetings or Facebook reunions. No call out of the blue, no heartfelt letters. That hasn't happened, but the dreams continue to come, every few weeks, and they are always beautiful and surprising to me.
“Love is the outreach of self toward completion.”– Ralph W. Sockman
Last night, surrounded by nature, crystal blue water and limestone cliffs, I had the dream that gave me this issue of Moondancing in its full form.
This was my dream: It felt as if I was in a course, where I was surrounded by people. There were two young men that felt familiar, sitting on either side of me. It wasn't a romantic connection. It was more that we were there to have an experience together and support one another. The facilitator said that we were going to practice on one another, a role play as if we were on a date.
I did the role play with one of them, and it was fun. Then I role-played with the other one, and he stopped the exercise, confessing that he was in love with me. I was a bit surprised, but he held me gently, saying that he had been wanting to tell me ever since he met me. I saw this person more as a friend, not love potential. However, I felt safe with him. I felt loved, I felt chosen. I melted into the moment. Then I woke up.
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”– Mark Twain
Here's what I understand of this today. I share this with you, in case there are threads of my experience that speak to you now.
The men in my dreams are reflections of my soul. Possibly the tender, wounded bits whose vibration attracted the men in question and those pieces of my heart that I was not able at the time to fill up with love by myself. With my soul's (if not my personality's) permission. I invited these men into my life to bring my wounds to the surface, to be noticed, and give me the opportunity to transform the wounds into love.
By loving these men in my dreams, by completing with them, I was healing the unconscious parts of MYSELF which attracted that particular experience with them, at that time of my life. My dreams also show that these parts of ME are now transformed into love.
The beautiful man that held me, that chose me, that confessed his love to me, that was my soul, too. His love for me in the dream is the energy of love I now carry in my heart, an energy that is manifesting in so many forms in my external world.
“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I'll never be able to prove what I just shared. I just know that when I realized it, tears came, and when that happens it's my soul saying yes.
We're all moving fast now, we're in The Shift and its time to wipe the karmic slate clean. Of our woundings. Of past hurts. Of our past choices.
Will you invite your dreams to speak to you, to reflect to you your soul's reality at this time? Will you listen?
Release everything into love. Its your time.