An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality
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Spiritual dating sites are tricky. Like other niche sites like Christian dating, green dating, seniors dating or Jewish dating sites, there's a wide array of what's considered ‘spiritual’.
Everyone wants someone we can relate to on an emotional and philosophical level. We want someone who ‘gets’ us and someone we can deeply relate to as well.
I have at times, sought out spiritual dating sites because I want something deeper. But really, are these sites serving up better dating prospects for spirit-oriented folks? Or is it just marketing spin?
I once had an introductory telephone call with a man whom I was matched with through a high-priced service. We both sought a spiritual connection. We were chatting, in that nervous small talk way perfect strangers do, and then he exuberently described to me how much he loved being part of his church.
I stopped him kindly, and said that I don't relate to the church at all and I heard a sharp intake of breath.
Poor man. Poor me. We both sought spiritual dating. Both of us had been duped.
He was a very nice man and we both agreed we weren't a good match and that each of us would give feedback to the owners of the service.
Were we hasty? I have many friends with slightly different takes on life. I know I could date someone with different beliefs as long as they respected mine. But how common is this really? and how large can the spiritual dating gap really be? So like I said: it's tricky.
On the flip side of this equation, I do have my beliefs which include reincarnation and energy, but I'm not horribly woo-woo. While I am fascinated by folks who are immersed in other realms and even channel other beings,I also have a practical streak.
So I wonder if instead of spiritual dating, we think about attracting someone who's growth focused, with a capacity for change. A new term: growth dating?
Have you ever met someone who talks the self growth talk, but doesn't walk the walk?
I have to admit, I've fallen into this trap. At first, I'm delighted that they are ‘spiritual’ or ‘open-minded’ or ‘curious’. Yay! I think.
Much too fast, my guard goes down. Then WHAM! I learn what they're really all about — by the indicator that speaks loudest of all: their behaviour.
Maybe it's time to ditch the term spiritual dating. Some of the nicest datable folks I know are simply dependable, humble, grounded, generous and kind and you'd want them there when life gets challenging.
While I don't need someone to believe exactly what I do, I do need someone who respects my choices, plus has asked his own questions, or is in the process of doing so. Someone who is growth-oriented and who has the capacity to weather the storms that life brings to grow separately and together. What's important to you?
As for spiritual dating sites, they're out there. My take? Sure, diversify. But remember, people are people. Nice people are nice people. Flakes are flakes. They come by many names — including spiritual.
As with everything in life, it comes down to each of us and the more we can do to grow ourselves, the more we'll have to offer another, and the more likely we'll attract someone on our wavelength.
Here are my top ten tips for spiritual dating whether online, or real-time.
Get very clear about what's important to you, why, where you're going and (then!) who you're seeking. Check out astrological soulmate for some hints on this. Living your life fully, I believe with all my heart, is the best way to consciously attract a soulmate.
Be very specific about what you want. Do you need someone who believes as you do? A friend specified that she didn't want to date — she just wanted someone to be there. This is what happened for her.
Stay flexible and allow for serendipity. What if creating an online ad was only meant to get you committed, so that s/he could come in another way?
Be curious about coincidence, but don't get obsessed about it. Notice, then let it go. Spiritual dating shouldn't be an intense mission. More like a curious journey bursting with possibility, humming in the background of a life well loved.
When you meet someone, pay attention to body language and eye contact. It speak much louder than words. Trust your gut if something feels off.
Behaviour demonstrates character. Spiritual dating aside, if someone is the real deal, they will walk the walk, consistently — period. Don't fill in the blanks or make excuses for them. Allow them to show you who they are (a great article).
Be patient. Most soulmate connections I know about unfolded slowly and the parties did not recognize each other in a blinding flash. Though there may be a warm glow right away and a sense of comfort. Soulmates aren't found. Often, they're made.
Stay a tad selfish (especially if your tendency is to give too much). You'll feel better about the process and and a real soulmate will respect you for it.
Always make your life more important than spiritual dating. Online stuff especially can become addictive.
Do you really want a soulmate? Then do what this site is dedicated to: Get to know your soul. And make sure to sign up for my love empowering newsletter: Moondancing: Whispers from Your Heart.
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