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“I just finished Moondance and I felt I had to write to tell you how much I loved it. I haven't been able to put it down and felt it totally resonate for me...”– Lynne Franks
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Director, Renewed Strength
Are soulmate indicators like neon signs? Fireworks? An orchestra? Heaven forbid — a bull horn?! Nope I don't think so.
If you're looking for a big meaty hand to come out of the sky to shake you (or him) saying ‘It's him! It's her! This is it! Wake up!’ you may be disappointed. Or not — because this also means that you are free to choose. Empowerment — yes! ☺
It's true that soulmate indicators are visible, but instead of screaming at us, I think of them more more like calm blue waters of possibility. It's been my experience that the truth doesn't scream — it whispers for us to come closer.
When we do immerse ourselves deeply, fully, we experience more of who we really are: that is, a spiritual being having a human experience and not the other way around. In each thought, emotion and action, we move closer to the soulmate relationship we desire. Further up (what I call) the ‘soulmate continuum’.
Imagine each relationship we have on a sliding scale, where karmic conflict is at one end, and harmonious soulmate love at the other.
It's extremely rare to immediately be at the ‘harmonious’ end of the scale. Most of us fall in love with folks where we're somewhere in between. Our task in life? To move every relationship we have up that sliding scale to the best of our ability. Which is nourishing for our hearts — and our karma.
If you and your sweetie are both willing and make a loving, conscious, consistent effort over time, the two of you will move closer and closer to soulmate status. THAT is definitely indicated.
Here are my true blue soulmate indicators that you cannot discern on a first date. Created delicately to make you smile.
You're the boring couple, that agree on most things and when you don't, you work it out no problemo. There's a distinct lack of drama to your union, though this doesn't mean there isn't passion. While other fight fires and chaos, you're at home reading each others' minds. You might also be the type of stable couple others look to for advice and support in love... because to others, you seem to have it all together. You know it's not true, though. You're not perfect and together, have had to work at it like anyone else. But down deep, you humbly know how lucky you are.
Fascinating or funny coincidences brought you together, and continue to guide you. Maybe before you met, you dreamt about each other or perhaps you inexplicably chose the same type of china pattern. Perhaps your closets are eerily similar, as if you went shopping together! How you met makes a great story for friends. For example, a good friend of mine met her now husband when she was stood up on a date, and decided to go out alone. While these coincidences feature prominently, you're not into magical thinking. Each of you took action and had a choice. The doors of opportunity appeared...and you both walked through.
Clairvoyant Edgar Cayce says that if you're married, then you're soulmates. However, this doesn't mean you don't have something to learn together. If your marriage is in a challenging phase, then this is what I call a karmic relationship. Your task is to do whatever you can to move further up that soulmate continuum. If you're both willing, it is possible to transform your karma in this lifetime. This may mean counseling or past life regression, depending on what resonates for you. Or it might even mean together making the loving decision to divorce.
It hasn't always been easy. You had to work at love a bit. You've had your heart broken — maybe more than once. When you met him, you kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to move out of the country, reveal that he was still in love with his ex, or whatever pattern that wrenched your heart in the past. But time passes. You're flabbergasted. The romantic reversal doesn't happen. He's solid. He stays, even when the going gets tough. So do you. Not only that... but it feels lighter, freer and easier and more natural than anything you've ever known. Years later? Even better.
This isn't about dollars and cents security (which is an illusion). It's one of the soulmate indicators that goes deeper. You know he'll call again. It's a given he'll do what he says he will. You're at ease with his eccentricities. In times of challenge, the biggest part of you knows you'll work it out, so you can express yourself in ways you couldn't before. “He's never disappointed me.” This from a friend who searched for her soulmate consciously, met him serendipitiously, together passed a few tests successfully and is still with him fifteen years and two kids later. Ask yourself: do you feel secure? Or on edge?
Well, not literally. But your body is one of the more important soulmate indicators. There's a lack of extreme in your interaction which helps you feel comfy in your skin. Your relationship feels like a ‘pulling up’ inside and while there may be butterflies in your tummy it's more about warmth and expansiveness, rather than the trill of worry, doubt, or distrust. Your body is devoid of dread, heaviness and has only a passing understanding of the sharp fingers of guilt, shame or the sting of criticism. Your entire energy body is calmed in his presence, and when you make love, it feels like coming home. Oh the pun — couldn't resist. ☺
(even if you choose not to)
A friend's wife said to me once: “You know, if you and D want to go away for the weekend sometime, I'd be fine with that.” Now she didn't mean for romance, and I didn't take it this way. D and I are friends, and I am also friends with his wife. Yet this made an impression on me because I knew she meant it. This couple truly trusts one another. Now I'm not saying traveling separately is for everyone. Think of the trip as a metaphor. Trust and freedom is one of the things that makes these partners tick. Even though D and I never did go away for the weekend... trust remains one of the most formidable soulmate indicators for me.
Friends in dating is an ‘F’ word, like the kiss of death right? Yet, being in love with our best friend is also desirable, even if one of the murkier soulmate indicators. Does the best friend part come first? Or the romance? If you're already lucky enough to be in love with your best friend that grew over time, then go no further! However, if you're in friendship-land it's truly tricky to make that sexual leap with gusto. This is where you need to pay attention to the soulmate indicators. Don't force it. However, if in ‘When Harry Met Sally&rsqup; or ‘Ross and Rachel’ fashion, you're caught up in catalyst events which naturally nudge you together, then perhaps it's time. ☺
It's easy to believe in soulmates when we're all healthy, employed, faithful and financially secure, huh? But what happens when life goes off the rails? Or when one of you really screws up? How you handle such times is one of the most telling soulmate indicators there is. Wayne Dyer says, ‘What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you.’ Of course soulmates encounter challenges. Believing anything else is not only delusional, but it's the perfect receipe for excruciating disappointment. When soulmates do, they tend to work through them and emerge transformed and stronger than ever, pitchers of lemonade in hand.
One of the soulmate indicators to notice is how you work together, and the creative tension you have. Do you have different yet complementary approaches? Or power struggles? Do you have the ability to disagree? Do you create a safe space for expression? Can you collaborate? Here's what I mean. A friend is a freethinking designer, and her husband a specialist physician. They're extremely different. Yet, when they work at problems, they always come up with unique solutions they wouldn't have found individually. Together, their differences are a crafty, creative force.
My list of soulmate indicators wouldn't be complete if I didn't mention equality. I don't mean equal weight, height or bank account (bank accounts should not be wielded like swords). I don't even mean intellectual accompishment, degrees or professional skill as I've met PhD's who are like emotional children. I mean respecting each other's strengths. Sure, one of you may get more involved in certain type of tasks than the other — I'd give away computer maintenance in a second and would prefer to keep — or share — decorating. ☺ But essentially, down deep, you are equal partners through and through.
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