An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality
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“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”– Paulo Coelho
Recently I shared old pictures with a good friend which ended up fuelling a number of reflections waiting for love. These were photos I hadn't looked at in years!
It was a time in my mid 20's where we were fancy free and did everything as a group. More often than in recent years, I was coupled and kinda decadent. I hosted elaborate dinner parties, cooked until 1:00 a.m., woke up and made love. I double dated even.
Now I don't want the relationship (or the men) I had in my 20's (EGAD to that). Yet major holidays turn my attention to time and symbolize a milestone, a marker. One year older and still (temporarily) solo, without a soulmate.
Who'd a thunk? Not me in my 20's, that's for sure.
I'd be fibbing if I didn't admit that I feel a slight sinking in my heart at holiday time. Before you write me off, I DO stop this side of a pity party. :-) For on the other hand, I'm unabashedly grateful to be dodging in-law logistics and a ton of work hosting.
Comfy in the exquisite simplicity of my life, I am aware of the necessity to stay grateful for where I am, while open and receptive to the possibilities a partner will bring. Even if it does include in-laws (whom I envision as absolutely delightful, wise and supremely helpful people). :-)
Said another way, how can I make sure I enjoy what I have today, without enjoying it so much that I unconsciously sabotage a potential relationship, which energetically requires an open space to come in? How do I sincerely maintain a desire for a soulmate, without tipping over into sadness? How do I dissolve ambivalence when it comes up?
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”– Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
On The Wait, I reflect that in love (and in other areas of life), whenever I've pushed something too soon, jumped in just because it's there, or otherwise moved too far outside my True Self to find love, that I found the experience lacking — even painful.
Instead of receiving something beautiful that enhanced my life, I found myself drained and strained, losing energy and judging myself odd in the process.
On the other hand, when I have patiently remained receptive and responsive to what comes in, there's an ease of flow and I tend to be abundantly rewarded. I need to act, to respond, certainly, but in my heart, it feels different.
This state of alert, conscious receptivity aligns with my heart... and with my karmic astrology chart too.
So while the earthly time around manifesting love can feel excruciating, it is also perfect for me. The parts of myself, the threads of my own soul I've lost to others during lifetimes of entanglement, encircle and find a permanent place inside me. A place which this time 'round, will receive love from where I stand — not the other way around.
When you feel the shadow pull of waiting, first replace the word waiting with ‘creating’. Then recall the exquisite beauty and potential of time. Remember that it allows for the synchronization of forces we cannot see. Remember that while our intentions may be like a magnet, they seek to ignite the heaviness of earth.
Ask: How can you use this precious time to re-claim pieces of your forgotten self? To dissolve resistance? To re-fuel in reflection? How can you connect deeply with the earth and open your arms wider to the stars?
Re-affirm your trust. Then, know that what you seek is already on its way. In perfect time. Irresistibly attracted to the shimmering beauty of magnetic space. Can you feel the depth of possibilities?
“The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck.”–Ralph Waldo Emerson
I hope that 2011 lavishes you with an abundance of opportunities to experience love in its many forms.
And, that in the magnificent space of waiting, your heart is returned to you, full and bright: a soulmate beacon.