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An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality


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Overcoming a broken heart: Eight ways to help yourself now

“But if you could, do you think you would trade in all the pain and suffering? Ah, but then you'd miss the beauty of the light upon this earth and the sweetness of the leaving...”
– Calling All Angels by K.D. Lang
 

'Overcoming a broken heart' was originally a Moondancing newsletter issue. Would you like similar articles delivered to you? If so, subscribe using the 'Karen's newsletter' button, on the left.

Here's what I suggest if you find yourself in a confusing, repetitive heartbreak situation and (again) overcoming a broken heart.

1. Feel everything

Overcoming a broken heart is excruciatingly hard, so honour every emotion it's bringing up. Create a safe space to let it out. You don't want the grief, the sadness, the anger to stay in your body. Allow it to flow through and love yourself for having the courage to express what's inside you. Repeat as necessary.

2. Take radical responsibility

In a moment when you're feeling quiet and free from grief, ask yourself: Why did I create this in my life? What is my soul communicating to me? How can I dissolve this energy that draws painful situations to me?

If it's aligned with your beliefs, ask: what karmic contract do I have with this person? What will the pain of overcoming a broken heart teach you? What agreement did your souls make? How can I honour our agreement? How can I move this situation up The Soulmate Continuum?

Surrender and remain alert to the answers. Be patient, as sometimes this takes days, weeks or even months for the full picture to come in, long after the initial sting is gone. If you remain open to it, a first step in surviving heartbreak will present itself to you. Acknowledge it, take action, remain alert as you move forward overcoming a broken heart.

3. Re-commit to Love

Did you sincerely ask for a soulmate to come in, prior to this painful event occurring? If so - then claim overcoming a broken heart as a necessary step. Instead of shrinking away, embrace this as a necessary, yet temporary part of the journey.

Hold the experience gently in your heart. Be kind to yourself and re-affirm your desire for a soulmate and commitment to do whatever your soul requires to have one. Truly overcoming a broken heart is the first step.

4. Accept and receive serendipitous support

Know that you're creating everything you need to have the life and love you want. So if your soul has created this situation, you've also created a way to dissolve and integrate it. Trust your hunches. See what comes your way. Get online and search. When you find something that lifts you up, that your intuition resonates with, act on it.

5. Surrender to Divine Timing

I believe that everyone can have a soulmate in their life — everyone. We all walk different paths to that meaningful meeting. Some are long and winding. Others are short and expansive.

However there is only one ultimate destination for every experience and relationship we have: Love.

The question is, are you willing to fully engage the path your soul chose? Are you willing to do the work of overcoming a broken heart along the way? There's no requirement that you do: Free Will always reigns.

However, if you desire a soulmate, fully engage your life to the best of your ability. Honour your soul and know you're closer every day to the one, ultimate destination.

Find comfort in knowing that though there may be some detours like overcoming a broken heart, this bus only goes one way.

As much as you can, stay open and be curious about where this experience fits in the big picture of your life. Surrender to Divine Timing, and know that your request has been heard, and that where you are now, is one step along the way.

Also, once you work this through, really make it part of your being, be prepared to receive your soulmate quickly — I've seen it happen.

6. Love and be kind to yourself

While overcoming a broken heart, it can be really difficult staying in Trust. That's normal! If you were having a bad day, how would you want your soulmate to treat you? Answer that: and treat yourself the same way.

Buy yourself flowers. Listen to beautiful music. Cuddle up under the covers. Take your dog for a walk. Go dancing. Get a massage. Make a beautiful meal. Sit on the water. Listen to your heart. Have compassion with your self. Love yourself even more.

7. Get professional, ongoing support

Don't play around when you're overcoming a broken heart. Get help if you need it. Support is not what the weakest among us do — it's there for the most courageous.

8. Believe in what's off your radar screen

When we're locked into what we can only see and touch, we have a tunnel vision of our life. But the fact is that most of reality is off our radar screen. We can't possibly see what's in store, or what's behind the scenes. We can't possibly see why a delay in timing might be absolutely perfect for everyone involved.

However, we can choose to believe that the delay overcoming a broken heart right now is absolutely perfect for us — whether or not we understand why at this moment. That there's magic in it and purpose.

I refer to a friend, whom I'll be interviewing for you soon. She summoned her soulmate, and waited over 18 months to meet him. During that time, some days, she lost hope.

Later, she found out that when she was ready to meet him, his wife was dying of cancer. He was with his wife when she died, he spent a year alone grieving and overcoming a broken heart — and they met at exactly the right time.

We don't know what we don't know. We can just remain open to knowing — and believe that our soul always serves our best interests.

What will you choose?

I'm no expert. However, I do know a few things. I've seen some, witnessed some, felt lots, dissolved lots. And I'm very good at writing about it. I hope that this article speaks to you, and helps you believe in everything that's waiting for you... on and off your radar. For now, choose to listen to Jane Siberry singing K.D. Lang's beautiful song, Calling All Angels. Have a Kleenex handy.

On a personal note

I've found myself overcoming a broken heart a dozen times in my life. Take-your-breath-away, down-on-my-knees-begging for the pain to stop kind of situations that (together) lasted decades longer than I ever would have predicted as a know-it-all teen.

No, everyone doesn't have to go through what I have — of course not. For me, tenderizing my heart and getting at a number of elusive blocks was imperative for me in this lifetime.

Looking back, recovering from heartbreak has been a potent carrot for my own growth and creativity. I never would have consciously chosen that for myself, but there it is. Without it, there would be no novel Moondance, no ezine Moondancing, no Soulmate Site.

Looking back, these confusing, heartbroken situations were the best thing that could have ever happened to me and I love and thank the men with whose souls I made agreements. Yes, this is true from the bottom of my heart — though this acceptance didn't happen overnight.

We all have some kind of carrot for growth, don't we? For some, it's losing a loved one to illness. For others, it's health issues or childhood trauma. For others, it's money, or a lack thereof. For others, it's a difficult marriage. For others, it's being alone. But for all of us — it's something. And it's our choice whether to grow, or check out.

If my heart had never been broken and if I had married the boy from high school (I could have) or the one from university (I could have) or the one twelve years back (who showed up at my doorstep one night after two years — I could have) it would have been a disaster for reasons beyond the scope of this issue.

  • Instead, I chose myself, my path
  • Did the inner work — really did it (and continue to)
  • Wrote Moondance, which stretched my heart in ways nothing else has
  • Learned karmic astrology, which helped me take radical responsibility
  • Started The Soulmate Site to express and share some of my passions
  • Committed to healing on a cellular level, feeling more ready each day. For more on this, read handling a broken heart.

I hope you found my ideas on overcoming a broken heart helpful.


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Take me to:

More Moondancing ezine issues – A list of past Moondancing issues and a way to subscribe.

Getting over heartbreak – It isn't easy. Here are some more resources for you including grief stages, and how to handle it.

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