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An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality


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You're wondering how to recognize your soulmate? 10 signs of soulmate connection

If you're wondering how to recognize your soulmate, you're in the right place!

First off, are we on the same page?

  1. You want a soulmate, not just a date
  2. You have a pretty good idea of what a soulmate is
  3. You're dating, or you're otherwise conscious about your search.

3. is important. Sure, you may meet your soulmate in your living room (I know someone who did – funny huh?) but chances are, that won't happen. You need to be conscious, so that every decision you make takes you closer to what you want during your true love search.

Does this make sense to you? Great! Now you're ready to focus on how to recognize your soulmate. Dating tips on how to notice... soulmate signs.

Open to mystery of your soul...

“Soulful marriages are often odd on the surface.”
– Thomas Moore

To actively work on how recognize your soulmate, you must open your heart and your mind. You want a soul connection. Souls are mysterious things... so open yourself to mystery.

My relationship advice? Define your preferences, yes. But don't lock yourself in with a laundry list. Tap into your intuition. Cultivate that little voice inside. Feel deeply. Open widely. Use the following questions as a guide.

How to recognize your soulmate: 10 soulmate signs

“Our soulmates seldom appeal to our personality — our ego. That's why they are called soulmates rather than egomates.”
– Carolyn G. Miller, Soulmates

The characteristics of a soulmate relationship manifest and deepen over time. Use these questions as a 'dating filter'. Return to them often.

If you're on the positive side over the long-term, then I'd say: way to go! You've created a soulmate.

1. Comfortable... or tense?

Are you comfortable in your sweetie's presence? Or do you feel tense, nervous or walking on eggshells? When it comes to how to recognize your soulmate, comfort is key.

Soulmates are souls we've known many times before in past lifetimes. Over the centuries, we've worked out our differences, so what's left over is love.

If you're fortunate enought to meet someone with whom you have a natural, loving relationship from the get-go, then you're going to feel this as an unusual comfort level. A low hum. A peace and calm in your heart. A quiet certainty. A curiosity. Safety in their presence.

There may not even be sparks right away, but perhaps there's a quiet pull. Another tip on how to recognize your soulmate is paying attention to coincidence.

Did something put you in each other's path — yet again? As if your soul was waiting for you to notice?

A friend described the small things she and her (now) soulmate noticed about each other. He first noticed that she made tea the same way he did: “I've never met anyone that did that, except me.” They both heated the cups first. Over time, these small things multiplied into an easy, comfy living arrangement.

2. Energized... or blocked?

Sometimes, I find it hard to describe how I feel. If this is you, that makes how to recognize your soulmate tricky!

When I'm confounded, what I do is focus on my body sensation. My body never lies. Depending on how sensitive you are, you may realize the truth about someone, the first time you meet... just by listening to your body.

In your darling's presence, how does your body feel? Alive? Energized? Invigorated? Or do you have an aching pull at your heart, like a pulling down?

Do you feel warm? Or cold? Does your throat throb, as if words are stuck there? Are there sharp pangs in your chest? Do you feel tired or drained after spending time with them?

Here's another dating tip on how to recognize your soulmate: do you have energy to burn? Or do you get sick alot? Is there an expansive warmth in your chest, like a pulling up?

Pay attention when you're dating. Your body always knows. Sometimes, even before you do.

3. Clarity... or confusion?

When we're on a date, we're taking in and interpreting data all the time. Have you ever met anyone who was confusing to you? But not in a way you can pinpoint? When that happens, pay attention! You're getting important information on how to recognize your soulmate.

It could be that someone's body language or facial expression doesn't match their words. Or their life stories don't quite 'gel'. Or their online profile isn't congruent with their personality. Or they project something about themselves onto you.

In a dating situation, this stuff can be crazy-making! And, in the short time of a first date, it's very difficult to discern in the moment.

Here's another point of view. Linda Brady, in her book Discovering Your Soul Mission says that heady emotion, confusion and a sense of ‘here we go again’ dread is what she calls ‘karmic warning bells.’

It may feel like falling in love, but what may really be happening is we're beingprimed for a major karmic insight. What is karma?

Here's a big clue on how to recognize your soulmate. A soulmate relationship won't be confusing. There will be clarity, congruency and consistency. If confusion does arise with a soulmate, it won't last long.

4. Confidence... or anxiety?

How do you feel about this person, from one meeting to the next? In between dates, do you feel anxious? Abandoned? Uncertain? Or do you feel very clear and confident that you'll see each other again?

Jen Schefft (of The Bachelor fame), said that when she met her now husband, there was no question that they'd see each other again. A friend of mind who met her soulmate in a chance meeting (after being stood up!) said of her sweetie “he's never disappointed me”.

This will be the same for you. There will be no muddiness, no long silences between meetings, ambivalance. No ‘come close’ — ‘go away’. Over the long-term, your experience with a soulmate won't increase your anxiety, it will alleviate it. Or if you do go through a rough patch, you'll work cooperatively together, to get through it.

5. Growth-oriented... or ‘same old’?

Do you re-create the same relationship in different people again and again? This is another trigger on how to recognize your soulmate.

Clairvoyant Edgar Cayce calls soulmates ‘helpmates’, in that soulmates are brought together to help one another grow. Is your relationship inspired and growth oriented? Or does it feel heavy and ‘same-old’?

As a karmic astrologer, I take an active approach to my own soul growth. From my karmic astrology chart, I can get a very good idea of my ‘soul mission’ or ‘soul purpose’ in life, and what I'm here to learn. So even when I was single, I worked on this, knowing that my soulmate would be more likely to find me, when I'm doing my soul's mission.

For example, exploring emotion in a unique way is my mission. Something that (as an MBA in corporate) isn't easy for me! But from which I have grown immensely. This site is part of my path. As is my novel, Moondance.

Knowing and committing to your own soul growth is the best way to magnetize a soulmate that I know.

What you learn about yourself, will give rich clues on how to recognize your soulmate. Whether you're single and looking, or looking to energize the relationship you have — go where the growth is!

6. Expansive... or restrictive?

Does your relationship have an inspirational quality to it? An expansive feeling? Do you both bring something to the other, that helps each of you be bigger than you might have been on your own?

Do you brainstorm and solve problems in unique ways? A friend describes how she (an artist) works with her husband (an engineer) to solve problems. They come at things from different perspectives. Together, they come up with unique solutions.

Another friend who was dating her soulmate (they're now married) said early on in their relationship: “He always wants to celebrate.”

How to recognize your soulmate? Remember this: a soulmate is a creative connection, an expansive energy focused on growth. Together, the world is bigger, our goals may be broader, and we may do things we thought we'd never do. Does your relationship feel like this? Would you like it to?

7. Win-win... or win-lose?

Here's another tip on how to recognize your soulmate. When you argue, or even when you decide where to see a movie or what to have for dinner, do you feel as if one of you is the ‘winner’ and the other the ‘loser’?

Or, do you both work towards a ‘win-win’ compromise? When you're together, do you feel that you bring out the hidden strengths in the other? Or do you exploit each other's weaknesses? Do you feel as if you have to leave most of yourself at home, because you're afraid of being crushed?

I'm not saying that you have to be perfect all the time. But on balance, soulmate relationships tend to be win-win. Even if there is compromise (of course there will be), on balance, the relationship gives – to each of you – far more than it takes.

8. Sexual passion... or obsession / vacuum?

How to recognize your soulmate — in bed?! Now I have nothing against wildly great sex. I also think sexual frequency is a personal issue, and as long as both partners are in sync (or working to get there), that's the main thing.

But let's be honest here. Is your sex life a natural, exciting extension of your healthy relationship? How do you feel after sex? Safe? Intimate? Abandoned? Used? Controlled? Powerful? Powered over?

Sex can also be a powerful karmic trigger. Linda Brady talks about a client who had an affair with a man who worked with her husband. This was completely out of character for her. In this case, the sex was an enormous magnet that pulled them together, to resolve a past life conflict. Once they recognized this, the attraction dissolved.

On the other hand, the sense of safety, security, expansiveness, fun... and yes passion is the hallmark of soulmate sex. Yum! ☺

9. Cooperation... or power struggle?

Long-term: how to recognize your soulmate? Every relationship needs to work through conflict, and each has their own style. So I hope you'll release any ideas you have that soulmate relationships are perfect and without conflict. That's not true!

When soulmates encounter conflict, though, there's a spirit of cooperation. There's a willingness to work together. The process isn't fraught with ultimatum-throwing, name-calling, threats of abandonment or physical abuse. Or, if you know you don't fight fair — do you both have a willingness to learn new habits?

I believe that we all have things to learn and stuff to work through — or we wouldn't be here. For example, relationship expert Harville Hendrix (founder of Imago Relationship Therapy) talks about ‘power-struggle’ as an inevitable stage of a relationship and offers ways to work through it. What distinguishes a soulmate relationship is the level of collaboration.

How to recognize your soulmate? How willing is s/he? For example, a friend who's now married to her soulmate reports that whenever they've had landmark discussions, “he's the one who initiates it.’ She's here to work on communication. So by extending himself, he encourages her to grow... and so does the relationship.

10. Purpose-driven... or fate?

Long-term: how to recognize your soulmate? Are each of you clear about why you're here, and where you're going? Or are you immersed in the ‘big feeling’ and the ‘day to day’ without taking a look at the ‘big picture’.

Is your relationship tumbling wildly, without direction, or are you clear why you are together? Do you believe ‘fate’ brought you together (and that ‘fate’ is bigger than both of you?) or do you understand what each of you bring to the other? Want a tip on how to recognize your soulmate? Do each of feel as if you have a purpose in life?

Of course, there needs to be sparks and passion. We need this to bond with someone. Long-term though, true soulmates are each conscious of who they are, and why they're here. They know where they're going and have decided to join with someone who knows that about themselves, too.

In a long-term relationship, how to recognize your soulmate? With a soulmate, there's an opening to individual purpose. There's mutual support of each other's purpose. There's a rich, ever-evolving union between two people who continually choose to be together, for reasons beyond the legal document and the kids.

11. How to recognize your soulmate... BONUS

All the above... and shared legacy? Now if you have all of these things going for you, you fly through the criteria in the soulmate quiz, AND the two of you also work together for a greater purpose, then according to American clairvoyant Edgar Cayce, you may not only be soulmates, but twin souls (twin spirit).

For example, Cayce and his wife were soulmates. But his twin spirit was his secretary, Gladys, who documented his work, helping him bring it to the world.

Does your relationship measure up... sort of?

Still not sure how to recognize your soulmate? Disappointed? Don't be! You're in the majority. Remember: there are riches to be had in every relationship. In each, we're at a different stage of what I call the ‘soulmate continuum‘. While we can't always control how far ‘up’ the continuum we travel with another in this life, we always have control of which way it travels.

Some folks are able to transform their challenging ‘karmic relationships’ into soulmated ones in this lifetime. In her book, Linda Brady tells how she and her husband overcame his infidelity early in their relationship. It wasn't easy. But they worked together to do it. They've been together now over 20 years.

Should you stay or go?

I can't answer that for you as I don't know enough about you and am not a relationship advice expert. But I encourage you to read more, and do whatever you can to empower yourself.

If you're up against this question, I also encourage you to work with a trusted relationship expert. In fact, this could be the very work that you need to do to attract your soulmate, in your next relationship (or transform the one you have). Wouldn't that be cool?

It's true. We may not be able to create soulmates in every lover we meet — in this life anyway. But knowing how to recognize your soulmate is a start. A step in the right direction.

In the meantime, we can learn from every experience. We can embrace our soul... and the more we do this, the more likely that we'll encounter soulmates on our path.

I sincerely hope you enjoyed my dating tips on how to recognize your soulmate!



Take me to:

Finding your soulmate – Serious about finding your soulmate? Why dating sites aren't enough...

Online dating tips – 10 online dating tips you need to know if you're really looking for a soulmate

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