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“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”— Kahlil Gibran
'Handling a broken heart (again)' was originally a Moondancing newsletter issue. Would you like similar articles delivered to you? If so, subscribe using the 'Karen's newsletter' button, on the left.
Many of you have written me with stories of heartbreak, just as you are sincerely seeking your soulmate, and yes, I've experienced it too.
Your story goes something like this:
I'm not a psychotherapist. I don't give professional advice and in fact, I believe real friends don't give advice. These ideas and perspectives may fit — or may not. But! I do hope they're helpful.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy.”– Kahlil Gibran
During sex, women produce lots of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates a strong emotional connection. This makes handling a broken heart extremely intense for women (men produce little to no oxytocin).
Oxytocin alone is enough reason to carefully consider who you'll have sex with. Want more on this? Watch Helen Fisher, Ph.D. speak about this in her TED Talk. Nuff said.
“Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are the eternity and you are the mirror.”– Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
The American clairvoyant Edgar Cayce said to many people inquiring about painful relationships: “You're meeting yourself”. Which means that what you're facing in others in this lifetime, is a reflection of who you've been in a past life.
Past life regression can help bring these past life experiences to consciousness. Of course, this doesn't make the challenge of handling a broken heart magically go away, but it is a fascinating perspective.
If you decide to dissolve this energy on your own, start by quietly thanking your soul for the experience. This sounds counter intuitive, but this is a great way of handling a broken heart energetically.
I do believe that relationship karma can be transformed (I call this moving up The Soulmate Continuum). However, if it's to happen in this life, the key is that both of you are willing.
“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.”— Kahlil Gibran
As hard as this to accept at first, there's something in your heart that's ready to be revealed, otherwise you wouldn't be in the situation of handling a broken heart again. Think of this as a good thing, an opening, an expansion of your capacity to know and love yourself.
You might also think of this painful situation as testing your commitment. This isn't about brandishing your ego — think of it as testing your surrender. After all, you didn't ask for a date, you asked for a soulmate. Handling a broken heart — really digging deep and transforming your patterns — might be the first step.
Sometimes, to manifest big change, a destruction or clearing out must take place first. Again and again, we're called to step in to our own wholeness, own and love every part of ourselves. Perhaps you've created this situation to show you the next step, even though the entire journey is not yet clear.
“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”— Kahlil Gibran
Etheric cords form between people in any relationship. The deeper the relationship, the thicker the cord and the more difficult handling a broken heart. Cords can be helpful, inspiring and nurturing, and when based on neediness or fear they can be draining and damaging.
In a painful relationship situation, perhaps the other person has hooked an energetic or ‘etheric' cord into your energy body, right where you have a huge vulnerability or fear. This person may be using fear or abandonment to drain and control you, or they may be equally in pain and wondering why. Cords go both ways, by the way.
One paragraph is not enough to spend on this topic, and warrants further research if it resonates. In short, if you're handling a broken heart, there is likely an unhealthy cord that needs to be loosened, removed or untangled. Here's a great explanation about cords by Doreen Virtue, PhD.
“We are all like the bright moon, we still have our darker side.“— Kahlil Gibran
“Emotional conflict” or “spiritual conflict” are terms I learned from a powerful, complex homeopathy modality that I use personally — Psychosomatic Energetics. This is very powerful stuff for handling a broken heart.
Emotional conflicts are held in our chakras, brought forward by early experiences and even past lifetimes. Even babies have been tested to have conflicts (testing is done using a sophisticated REBA machine and muscle testing).
If we don't dissolve them, they suck our emotional and physical and mental energy, and make handling a broken heart even harder. And, when they're active, we continue to be triggered in repetitive, painful situations that appear to be beyond our intellectual or holistic reach to heal.
Now Psychosomatic Energetics isn't for those who want a quick fix. But if you're serious about raising your vibration on a cellular level, it's one modality to consider. Another is BodyTalk — in fact, the two work well together.
Both use muscle testing and ask your body for what it needs. Your body is the authority, not the practitioner. It removes intellect, ego, and even the tester's or practitioner's “stuff” right out of the picture. Which is why I like them.
“The appearance of things changes according to the emotions; and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.”– Kahlil Gibran
Time is speeding up, human consciousness is evolving and everyone's unhealed “stuff” is coming to the surface faster and more obviously than ever before.
If you've created a painful, confusing situation now, this is an opportunity to work through this once and for all — even if it's uncomfortable. What's hidden inside us all is more difficult to conceal now. However, the results of our sincere efforts toward healing are also accelerated.
So don't run away from handling a broken heart: dive in. Call it energy, cords, karma, emotional conflicts, psychological blocks. Call it what you will — you signed up to heal it. Dammit. ☺
Your efforts will be seen and felt in every area of your life. Take a first step. Go as far as you can see. Then you'll be able to see further.
“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”– Kahlil Gibran
Start handling a broken heart by claiming one of the above (or another) perspective that resonates for you. Begin your search to understand, love, integrate and release.
Above all, know that you're being led, and after handling a broken heart, you will be closer and closer each day, to manifesting the soulmate who is willing and able to walk with you, whole and true, in this lifetime.
More Moondancing ezine issues – A list of past Moondancing issues and a way to subscribe.
Getting over heartbreak – It isn't easy. Here are some more resources for you including grief stages, and how to handle it.