Getting over heartbreak by first and foremost... honouring your heart
Getting
over heartbreak is so hard! Break-ups
rip us open -
there's no other way to say it.
It's a death of sorts. That of the relationship, the image of how we
see
ourselves, and temporarily, the death of hope for the future.
Heartbroken really, really hurts.
Believe me, I've been there.
So how to get over
heartbreak? Some folks
skip getting over heartbreak,
and dive right into another relationship to avoid suffering. Others act
out - a.k.a. frickin' their way to mental health. That's a deliberate
typo. :-) Yet the sad truth is, if when heartbroken, we rush and avoid,
we'll not only
sacrifice our health, but we'll likely
attract the same situation again. Or worse.
Why? Because
all of those feelings, beliefs, patterns, decisions and behaviours that
made us
"us" - energetically and emotionally - stay the same.
Therefore, we'll
continue to attract similar things.
So!
If you're currently getting over heartbreak, here are some ideas and
resources that worked for me when I found myself heartbroken. Not only will they help you feel
better - but you'll grow and change your energy in the process.
Fully grieving your
heartbreak...
opens space for your soulmate
Have
you heard of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross? In the 60's, she proposed stages of grief around death and
dying. I've modified them a tad, for those who are getting
over heartbreak.
Consider these the stages which
will help you fully
process the turmoil inside you and transform Heartbroken -
into a shining new space that will attract your real
soulmate.
When getting over
heartbreak, we
experience these stages more or less in order, though we
do shuffle back and forth a bit, too.
1. Denial – "Woo hoo
I am FREE!" or "This can't be happening"
Denial is a coping mechanism.
It might be a feeling of shock, or a feeling of euphoria, depending on
your situation. When it comes to getting over heartbreak, both are
forms of avoidance. We haven't yet grounded our heartbroken experience
in real life.
2. Anger – "Not
again!" "Not fair" "It's all their fault!"
In
the second stage, we get
pissed off, usually because it feels a heck of alot better than being
sad.
We may swear off relationships and honestly, we may be a bit of a drag
to be around. Some folks may also act out by dating compulsively - ick.
Yes, anger is necessary to name and process... but woah. Not a
good place to hang out for long, if you're interested in getting
over heartbreak long-term.
3. Bargaining –
"I'll be different" "Just make the pain go away"
The
third stage of getting over heartbreak, involves our wistful hope of return and
desire to do anything to make it happen. Sometimes there's a real
opportunity for reconciliation at this stage. Other times, times, the
'negotiation' is made with a higher power. This is another way of us
spinning in circles, doing everything to (understandably!) avoid the
next stage.
4. Depression
– "I miss him..." "Love sucks. Why bother?"
In
this stage of getting over heartbreak, reality sinks in and sadness
wells up. Heartbroken, we may shun others, taking time to cry, or we
may need to
talk. This is what we've
been running from... the pain. Yet it's so important to
honour. For if we don't... the energy of our grief gets lodged in our
cells, instead of processed through
them. A
homeopathic remedy I personally use which dissolves emotional issues on
a cellular level
5. Acceptance –
"It's going to be okay" "I'm movin' on"
In
this last stage of getting over heartbreak, the depression lifts and we
come to terms with the end of the relationship and our new reality. We
actively emerge from Heartbroken, to embrace our new beginning,
free to make new choices in life... and in love.
How to get over heartbreak
Here
are the things that worked for me when getting over heartbreak. Be gentle with yourself.
It takes time. Also - know that I'm not a mental health professional -
these are the things that have worked for me personally.
For two weeks,
give yourself permission to have a pity-party
Hang in there! It takes some time getting over heartbreak.
You
want the feelings to move through, not lodge in your body, so for two
weeks, let it all out.
Get
selfish. Talk if you're a talker. Take time to yourself, if you're not.
Play music that makes you cry - and cry hard! Rent soppy movies.
Read heartbreak stories. Radically
self-nurture. After two
weeks, you're going to feel better. Then, so you don't
lose your friends, ease up. :-) Repeat the rest as needed.
Find a
healthy physical outlet for your anger
It's natural to be angry as you're getting over heartbreak. For your
health, it's critical that you process
it rather than have it settle into a future heart attack.
Express it by working out, punching a pillow or
taking up boxing at the gym. Play loud, angry music. Scream alone in
your car. Write an angry letter (don't send
it). Can you guess what
you shouldn't do when heartbroken?
Scream at someone else. Use email as a weapon. Destroy property. Hit
anything alive. Employ
revenge tactics... no matter how juicy. It's not cool... and not good
for you
long-term. But I bet you knew that. :-)
Relentlessly
uncover your relationship patterns
Get clear about what went wrong so you don't have to repeat it. Feeling brave? Ask
yourself 'Why did I
create this relationship'? For even if you just
broke up with someone who was into bad behaviour - it was you who
chose 'im (or 'er). More than once...
Not only to date, but to sleep with, move in with, marry, have children
with, all of it.
Your relationship wasn't one decision on your part, it was thousands of
decisions. While getting over heartbreak, what you want to know is: why did
you make the choices you did? And - what do you
need to do to confidently make new choices
and repel that
type of energy in the future? Forgiving
infidelity
I
say these things without judgement - I've been heartbroken and have
chosen a few loo-loos myself.
Not bad people - just bad people for me. Today, I know why and I'm
sharing what I learned on this site.
I accountably accept
responsibility for all of
my choices in life, because however difficult, it's more empowering
than being
a victim. Long term -
you will feel better about yourself and more confident if you take this
approach, too. And - especially because I know it's so
hard getting over heartbreak - I want you to feel confident and
empowered.
Actively
seek out support
The first time I asked for help to heal heartbreak, it was a humungus
deal! I was used to handling everything myself. But the fact is, we're not taught
'getting over heartbreak' in school.
And! It's not fair to over-burden our friends who may love us
too
much to tell us the truth. Asking for help when heartbroken is not a sign
of weakness -
quite the opposite: it's an act of courage. Help for you might be in
the form of counseling, coaching or a good therapist or personal
development retreat. Or - it might be self-motivated through reading. Some resources below.
Coping
with divorce
Get clear about who you are
and what you want
You're
through the worst of it. Now, what about the rest of your life: Who are
you? What's important to you? Why? What do you believe about the world?
What's your
purpose in this life? Why
is this important? Because the more we understand
ourselves, the happier we'll be whatever our circumstances. And! Because we meet our soulmates on
our soul path.
Have a
transition ceremony to mark your new beginning
Committed to moving on? This is me grinning! My friend Barbara Densmore is a professional
celebrant, and fellow Canadian. I helped edit her site on celebrancy
and found myself in tears
more than once reading what she does for her clients. A
transition ceremony is a beautiful idea to consider when getting over
heartbreak, and more affordable than you might think.
Some resources for
getting over heartbreak
Conversations
with God - Book I
by Neale Donale Walsch
A
non-dogmatic look at questions we all have about 'God' (insert your own
word). Great if you're getting over heartbreak as it has a surprising
description of the purpose of relationship in our lives, which I've
found quite healing. Dig deeper into his work and you'll find some
luvly wedding vows as well,
based on the CWG philosophy.
Moondance by Karen M. Black
Can
getting over heartbreak be fun? Well, not really, but being swept away
for a few days by heartbreak stories chock full of stuff you deeply
connect with is
always a good thing. Moondance is addictive
fiction about life, love
and the nature of reality. Written by yours truly - when I was
seriously heartbroken. Reviews from folks like you
If I'm so wonderful, why am I
still single? by Susan Page
Brutal
title, huh? But some good advice without the woo-woo. While a tad
conservative, this book is clear-eyed and helpful when getting over
heartbreak and
preparing for true love. It has a nice section on ambivalence, which I
believe
can block attracting a soulmate. Plus other practical
strategies aimed at changing your love life.
Ready to heal your
heartbreak?
Woo hoo! Look at
you go...
The Relationship Catalyst
- Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have created this wonderful program to help
singles (and couples) create a conscious, loving relationship. They
also offer a community for
conscious living and loving, helping people create more love, abundance
and vibrant wellness in their lives.
Here's to you...
radiantly! Getting over heartbreak
Take me
from Getting over heartbreak
to:
When
will I find love? - Have you ever
hired a psychic to answer this? Beware! What to consider asking instead
Do
soulmates exist?
- I believe that they do. In fact, there's a way to transform a karmic
relationship into a soulmated one.
Who
is my soulmate?
- Your soulmate is one who resonates with you. Here's
what I mean by this...
Where is my soulmate? Why
is it taking so long? Bet your soul's answering. Are you listening?
Soulmate Site Home
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