An addictive spin on life, love, and the nature of reality
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Do soulmates exist? The word can cause some to become starry eyed and others to cringe. This may surprise you - but I tend to be the latter.
I've done alot of research for this site, and I really, really believe that they do exist. Having said that, there are many ways that folks define ‘soulmate’, so I want to be clear about which camp I'm in.
Some define soulmate as ‘the one’ who will complete you and make your life happy forever. Read more about the concept of ‘you complete me’ and why I think it's dangerous to the health of relationships. In this line of thinking, do soulmates exist? I say no, they don't.
On another level, soulmate is the perfect word to describe the highest form of relationship: one that feeds our soul. So now, do you believe in soulmates?
On this site, I refer to something called The Soulmate Continuum. It's my own wee metaphor about love and relationships, assuming the following...
What traits are you drawn to? What traits repulse you? Our emotional reactions aren't about the other person — they're a reflection of what's going on inside us.
What does this have to do with ‘do soulmates exist’? Because every emotion we have and every choice we make is an expression of our soul. And because every interaction we have with another is really two souls at play.
So if I meet a man who has intimacy issues (and I have) what this reveals to me is my own fear of intimacy. Taken further, I chose this particular person (people): so that I could understand this elusive side of myself, and dissolve my own internal barriers to intimate relationship. No, these folks were not a soulmate in the traditional sense, but our souls did connect for a purpose.
This realization didn't happen overnight, and it didn't come with alot of resistance by the way. ☺
Owning our own unconscious triggers is painstaking work, and not for the faint of heart. If you're not familiar with the concept, here's a very good article by Deepak Chopra, who gives a really good example from his own marriage on how this works.
A perspective that was helpful to me as I first considered ‘do soulmates exist’ was that my serial heartbreak was a massive juicy carrot for my personal growth.
Indeed for many years, the biggest obstacle in my life was ‘finding the long-term relationship’.
Yet as I look back, I also realize that every single heartbreak experience I've had catalyzed immense growth for me. I was a tough nut to crack — and I'm also a tough nut to break. ☺ Gratefully, I don't have to go through this anymore.
The quest for a soulful relationship is a universal desire. The question ‘do soulmates exist’ is a natural question. Is this a helpful way to see your love life? What is your soul encouraging within you?
What if... every relationship you have plays out over lifetimes? What if... each time we meet in a new life, we start out where we left off.
Clairvoyant Edgar Cayce says that souls come together for three reasons:
The problem with the starry-eyed definition of soulmates is that everyone wants to start at the end of the race. They want to skip the ‘working out’ and ‘resolving’ of karmic relationships and begin at perpetuating love.
Now with abusive situations, sometimes the best someone can do is forgive, then run away. This was advice from the Dalai Lama I read recently which rang true for me. So please consider this a perspective shifter, or a notion rather than tidy advice to fit all situations.
Sometimes in rare cases, couples do come together to perpetuate love right away. What we don't see is the work that these ‘lucky’ folks did in their past lives.
So do soulmates exist? Yes. If both parties are willing, there is potential to transform a karmic relationship into a soulmated one. I call this moving a relationship up... the Soulmate Continuum.
We're not going to succeed in making every person our long-term soulmate. However, we can do what we can with each relationship we have, which includes making a loving choice to end it.
What if everyone took a responsible approach to relationships? Would it save marriages? Ease messy divorces? Clean up loose ends? Reduce heartache? What if our task, is to move every relationship we have, to the best of our ability, up the soulmate continuum.
Do soulmates exist? Yes, we have many of them. We're creating them all the time, with every choice we make. All of them, even the conflicted ones, lie somewhere along the soulmate continuum. We've had many opportunities to heal our relationships and will have many more.
As such, what if every relationship is a possibility, a work in progress, an experience through which we can learn more about ourselves and make loving choices.
Approach your love life this way, and in your own soul's time, you will attract someone with the capacity in this lifetime, to work with you to resolve your differences and perpetuate love.
Do this... and you will have created a soulmate.
Getting over heartbreak – It's not easy. Here are some tips to help you on your way...