Ten paradoxical, gut-level characteristics of true love
The characteristics of true
love in my
view, speak to the
visceral experience inside when we're relating in another
person's presence.
To the age-old questions: Do we have one love match? Do we find true love?
No! Together, we create
it.
Here, I've
distilled the core, or at the gut-level characteristics. While some may
seem contradictory,
I don't think so. What
they are, is a paradox.
Then again, life itself
if is a
paradox! So how appropriate is that. Hope
you enjoy. :-)
Ten gut-level
characteristics of true love
What
is true love? What does it feel like? Imagine when all of the following
things are in place... how it will feel inside. Are the possibilities
endless, an energetic pulling up? There
it is! How true love with a soulmate feels. How
to find true love
Self-ishness
What
I mean by Self-ishness is both people in a relationship putting
themselves first in a healthy way. Why? So they
have the inner resources and energy to extend themselves
lovingly to their
beloved. Without this sweet tension of selfishness, a relationship may
end up
co-dependent and unbalanced, with one party giving way too much, and
neither getting what they really need to grow at a soul level. That's why
it's on my list of key characteristics of true love.
Cherishing
What
a beautiful word! This is treating another as an entity that's
incredibly precious,
creating a safe space for both partners to explore
themselves and each other. One of the yummier characteristics of true
love. When we cherish, we appreciate what we have
without taking it for granted. We each feel supported because each put
the other's safety first and
the relationship becomes a playground for the heart and soul. How to do this? Find
and share the things you truly appreciate about one another - often.
Challenging
True
love isn't perfect rosey harmony all the time. In fact, it
supports and
encourages our growth, even if that means a loving kick in the butt if
we need it (I do not
mean flinging expectations,
nagging or nit-picky criticism). One
of the characteristics of true love is that partners
look out for each other. They
also don't let the other off the hook,
encouraging each to grow and stretch their comfort zones. When we're
lovingly supported in this way, we become happier with ourselves. When
we lovingly support our sweetie in this way, respect blooms and we're
more secure in our
relationship.
Nurturing
Sometimes,
life happens and we fall down - or we're pushed. We
may get the flu, get
laid off or just have a bad day. Or we might experience a devastating
loss. When we're stripped of the defenses we thought we had, we
feel incredibly vulnerable. The real-deal characteristics of true love
act as a
salve, where both partners have the capacity to nurture one other.
Chicken soup. Holding
hands. Listening. Gentle touch. Taking care of things for a while.
Women are natural nurturers, but men? The good ones are. That's why one
of the most important
questions for women to ask themselves before
committing is: "Can he
nurture you?"
Expression
I
have a friend who when she's most herself, jumps up to touch the
branches of trees, exclaining in child-like
glee: "Tickle-tickle!" Her
partner was drawn to this energy early on. Childish? Not. She's an MBA
and he's a
lawyer. As
for me, don't tell anyone, but I talk to ducks. :-)
Can
you freely express youself in your relationship?
Can you be silly, sad,
clueless and competent? Sexy and strong? Arty and analytical?
Child-like and serious? Angry and accepting? Creating a safe space for
self expression is one of the juicy characteristics of true love. Such
expression is dampened by the likes of (ick) criticism, sarcasm and
judgment. It's buoyed up
beautifully by acceptance, gentle humour and
curiosity.
Connection
"My
intention is to create a deeper connection and understanding between
us..." Great
words to use, expecially in sensitive conversations. When
we each have the intention to connect to our partners,
rather than competing or furthering our own agenda, we can move
mountains together. Holding
the intention of connection is truly one
of the characteristics of true love. Challenging conversations are
softened, breakthroughs are made, compromises are found - with true
love intact.
Comfort
"I
feel as if I've known you forever..."
These are sticky romantic words if they're said without
heart, but to
those who have really felt this type of inexplicable comfort or ease in
another's
presence, not only on the first date, but years later, it's definitely
one of the characteristics of true love. What the comfort means is
that our energy bodies
are compatible, co-existing in our
lives
and our
beds, in a way that feeds each of us, instead of draining.
Karmically, there's likely a past
life love, too...
Collaboration
"Sweetheart,
I am not the enemy." We may want the same things, but
sometimes
ego-driven power struggles and unconscious defense mechanisms can get
in the way. We're human
after all! One of the characteristics of true love is
treating each
other as partners who seek ways to collaborate and cooperate in a
win-win
manner, rather than powering over one another and focusing on
the sapping 'win-lose' energy of getting our own way. Cooperation is
also one of the hallmarks of soulmates.
Resolution
How
do you handle relationship conflict? Is it one endless
power struggle after another?
Do you fight fair? Are you both able to display anger in a way that
doesn't cut the other off at the knees? One of the characteristics of
true love is resolving conflict in a way that's truthful,
without
resorting to righteous blame or personal character attacks. Not to say
that it's fun - or easy. But in the end, conflict is
expressed and
resolved quickly and cleanly, clearing the air... so that you can get
on with true love.
Giving and
receiving
The only match for someone who
does not
know how to receive,
is someone who does not
know how to give.
Read that again - slowly.
Where do you fit? Where does your sweetie? I've left one of the most
important characteristics of true love to the last: two people who both
have the ability to give and receive in a relationship, creating
equality, fairness and balance. I say a big
ol'
YES'm to that one! :-)
I hope you enjoyed my
characteristics of true love.
Take me
from Characteristics
of true love
to:
How
to find true love - Six strategies you can do
today... that you may have never considered.
Definition true love
- Following these wise ideas are a great first step to creating a
soulmate whether you're dating... or seeking
solo!
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